Still angry (Acts 9:1-31)

I watched Spider-man four times this summer with friends who hadn’t seen it before but whom I was keen to watch it with. It’s a great movie. The good guys are good and the bad guys are bad. But I noticed something watching Spider-man four times with my friends. Everyone thinks they’re Spider-man. No-one ever thinks of themselves as the villain.

Come with me to Acts Chapter 9.

Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem.
Acts 9:1-2

Saul is the bad guy. No doubt about that. He is breathing out murderous threats against Christians (verse 1). He literally wants them dead.

The thing is, Saul thinks he’s the good guy. That’s what makes him so interesting and so dangerous, I guess.

He goes up to the high priest and says “I’m going to help you deal with this Christian problem. I’m going to save the day.” He thinks he is being the hero by offering to catch all these Christians who have run away to Damascus. “I’m going to bring them back.”

Yet, at the same time, he has an agenda. It’s not justice, it’s hatred. If you’re a Christian, he hates your guts. If you’re a Christian, Saul is coming to get you.

What do you do with someone like Saul? You call the police, right? Except Saul is the police; you’re the criminal. “He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus” - like a warrant - “so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem”. In Saul’s mind, you’ve broken the rules, he’s keeping the rules. In Saul’s mind, he has every right make your life miserable. Because in Saul’s mind, he is the good guy, not you.

What do you do with a guy like Saul? Saul’s anger and hatred is the kind that can never be satisfied. Notice the word “still” in verse 1. He’s still angry. Stephen is dead but he’s still angry. The church is destroyed but he’s still angry. Jesus once said, “The time is coming when anyone who kills you will think they are offering a service to God” (John 16:2). That’s Saul. He’s angry because he thinks, “God wants me to be angry.”

No, he doesn’t. No, he doesn’t.

As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”

“Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked.

“‘I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied.
Acts 9:3-5

Who does Saul really hate? Jesus. No, that can’t be right. He’s persecuting Christians. God wants me to kill these Christians. But Jesus says, “The one you are persecuting is me. The one you are trying to kill is me.” How can that be?

Jesus is so connected to the church that if you hurt anyone in the church, you hurt him. The church is his body. When you hurt someone here in the Chinese Church, Jesus knows it. Jesus feels it. The church is a part of him because he died for his church. He gave his life for the church.

But take it a step further, Jesus is saying: The one you hate is me. “Saul, Saul,” he begins. He is speaking to a man deeply angry at God, deeply frustrated with God.

And when Saul says, “Who are you, Lord?” he knows and he doesn’t know. I mean, he knows it’s God - the light from heaven, the voice from heaven - Saul knows enough to call him Lord. But what Saul doesn’t know is that Jesus is Lord. What Saul doesn’t realise is that Jesus is God, though, maybe part of him did.

Martin Luther once said, “Love God? Sometimes I hate him.” People look at you and see a good guy who is serving God, who is so in love with God but on the inside, if you’re honest, you hate him. That’s why you hate Christians. That’s why you hate churches. And there on the road of hatred, as it were, the risen Lord Jesus appears to Saul and says, “That’s enough.”

“Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”

The men travelling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.
Acts 9:6-9

This really happened. These witnesses confirm that what happened really happened, it wasn’t just in Saul’s head. And yet, only Saul could hear Jesus and see Jesus. This encounter was just for him.
“Get up. Go to the city.” All commands from Jesus. Saul is no longer in charge. “You will be told what you must do.” He gets it. He gets up and realises he’s blind. He has to be led by the hand into the city. Is he being punished - struck blind for his sin? More likely, it’s a sign of lifelong blindness towards God. Saul gets it. For three days, he did not eat or drink anything.

This event - Saul’s conversion - is recorded three times in the book of Acts. That’s worth saying. We find it again in Chapter 22 and again in Chapter 26 - it’s a big deal. Here’s a guy so blind to his hatred until he met Jesus; so blind to his sin until he met Jesus. And any Christian worth their salt will say the same thing: Meeting Jesus opens our eyes. To our lifelong blindness. To our lifelong rejection of God.

For Saul, it was literal. He was struck blind and for three days, he did not eat or drink anything, meaning, he was repentant. He knew he needed to change. He knew Jesus was Lord.

In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, “Ananias!”
“Yes, Lord,” he answered.

The Lord told him, “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight.”
Acts 9:10-12

I love Ananias. Jesus appears to him, calls him by name and what does he say? “Yes, Lord.” Not, “You’re real?” (Or in Cantonese: Hak Sei Yan!) Not even, “Who are you, Lord?” which is what Saul said. “Yes, Lord.” He’s ready to do whatever Jesus wants him to do.
Except when Jesus says, “Go help that man Saul.”

“Lord,” Ananias answered, “I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your holy people in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name.”
Acts 9:13-14

Ananias never says, “No.” But you get what he’s trying to say. “Are you sure, Lord? That guy, Lord?” I recently learned what passive-aggressive means and now that I’ve learned it I’m doing my best to unlearn it. It’s saying no without saying no. It’s not very nice and not very Christian. Ananias is essentially saying no to Jesus.

And Jesus has to tell him a second time. “Go!”

But the Lord said to Ananias, “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.”
Acts 9:15-16

“Acts is about God using unexpected people to do unexpected things,” one friend said to me recently and that’s true. God can save anyone and use anyone to reach everyone.

But there is something special about Saul. “This man is my chosen instrument,” Jesus says. You see, Saul is not simply an unexpected person, he is the most unexpected person ever! I think that’s the point. God loves to do this. He loves to show his grace, his love and his goodness to the most unlikely person ever - the kind of guy who will never become a Christian, the kind of girl who will never accept Christ - they are precisely whom God loves to reach.

Saul writing later as Paul would say, “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst” (1 Timothy 1:15) I am sinner number one!

And what Jesus is saying is: I know what I am doing. When Ananias questions him, when we question him, we forget that God is God in sovereignty and in salvation. People like Saul are exactly the kind of people God wants to save.

So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptised; and taking food, he was strengthened.
Acts 9:17-19

What does it mean when I call you “brother” or “sister” here in church? It means I’ve forgotten your name. Hey, brother!

But for Ananias, it meant forgiveness. Everything you did in the past was paid for by the Lord Jesus Christ on the cross. God forgives you; I forgive you. You are family. Ananias places his hands on Saul and immediately he is healed physically (“he regained his sight”) supernaturally (“immediately… scales fell from his eyes”) and spiritually (“that you may be filled with the Holy Spirit”).  He was baptised - no delay - Saul was now a Christian. “Brother Saul.”

The story should end here. In fact, the story should end with verse 31: “Then the church throughout Judea, Galilee and Samaria enjoyed a time of peace.” They lived happily ever after.

Except it doesn’t. Jesus says, “This man is my chosen instrument,” and he means it.

Saul spent several days with the disciples in Damascus. At once he began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God. All those who heard him were astonished and asked, ‘Isn’t he the man who caused havoc in Jerusalem among those who call on this name? And hasn’t he come here to take them as prisoners to the chief priests?’ Yet Saul grew more and more powerful and baffled the Jews living in Damascus by proving that Jesus is the Messiah.
Acts 9:20-22

Saul preaches. Saul grows more and more powerful proving that Jesus is the Messiah. And that sounds great until you realise not a single person becomes a Christian. Instead, what we see is a lot of people wanting to kill Saul.

After many days had gone by, there was a conspiracy among the Jews to kill him, but Saul learned of their plan. Day and night they kept close watch on the city gates in order to kill him. But his followers took him by night and lowered him in a basket through an opening in the wall.
Acts 9:23-25

By the way, Saul (aka Paul) recounts this in one of his letters as possibly the most embarrassing, humbling experience in his ministry (we find it in 2 Corinthians 11, where he says, “I am not lying.”) Epic fail.

But Saul is Jesus’ chosen instrument. Maybe things will be better in Jerusalem.

When he came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple. But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus. So Saul stayed with them and moved about freely in Jerusalem, speaking boldly in the name of the Lord. He talked and debated with the Hellenistic Jews, but they tried to kill him. When the believers learned of this, they took him down to Caesarea and sent him off to Tarsus.
Acts 9:26-30

Interesting, isn’t it? The same thing happens. He is viewed with suspicion by the church (as Ananias did earlier). He preaches Jesus but they try to kill him. He runs away and only after that does the church experience peace (verse 31). What’s going on?

Two things. Firstly, we see the same anger we saw in Saul in others, specifically, the people who try to kill him; specifically the people who try to stop him from preaching about Jesus. We see it in Damascus in the synagogues he was sent to by the high priest. We see it in Jerusalem, interestingly, in the Greek/Hellenistic Jews - the significance being these were the same people who killed Stephen and the same people Saul supported when they were killing Stephen. Now they wanted to kill him.

Why? Because Saul’s anger is our anger when we are offended, when we are frustrated with God and the spark that lights that anger is God’s word about Jesus. That’s the first thing we see.
But secondly we see the same suffering the church experienced now in Saul. Jesus says, “I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.” That’s important because it’s not a punishment but a reflection - an identity that Saul now bears as a Christian and as a member of the body of Christ. In a word, it’s rejection. Rejection from within and without. Rejection from his old family - the Jewish religious order, the synagogues. Rejection, in part, even from his new family - viewed with suspicion by other Christians, understandably so, but still. What’s the point? Saul would forever bear the marks of his conversion and commission. Saul would forever bear the marks of Jesus in his ministry to outsiders, the Gentiles.

Only then do we get to verse 31.

Then the church throughout Judea, Galilee and Samaria enjoyed a time of peace and was strengthened. Living in the fear of the Lord and encouraged by the Holy Spirit, it increased in numbers.
Acts 9:31

The question behind verse 31 is: What is peace? Peace is life without Saul, we might think. Peace is God getting rid of Saul, we are tempted to say. He is kicked out of Damascus, kicked out of Jerusalem in order for us to have peace.

Friends, this is peace at the end of a war. Peace is not a quiet Saturday morning sipping tea on the verandah. Peace is the opposite of conflict, of war, and as we’ve seen, this was a personal war between Saul and God. And the way Jesus ended this war was by dying on the cross for Saul. That’s what it means, by the way for someone like Saul to become a Christian. On the cross, Jesus takes all the hatred, all the sin, all the punishment of Saul on himself and in exchange a man like Saul receives all of Jesus’ righteousness, love and blessing. That’s what it takes for us to have peace, not just with one another, but with God.

And in case we forget that, the verse ends with the church living in the fear of the Lord (as opposed to living in the fear of Saul). Jesus is Lord. Jesus knows what he is doing and we as his redeemed people live rightly under his rule.

Crazy Rich Asians (Revelation 3:14-22)

There is a scene from the movie Crazy Rich Asians where the girlfriend has no idea how rich her boyfriend is until they get on a plane to Singapore and the stewardess welcomes them with champagne to First Class, showing them to their comfy, leather seats.

“So, you’re rich?” Rachel says to her boyfriend.

“We’re comfortable,” Nick replies.

She snaps, “That is exactly what a super rich person would say.”

Crazy Rich Asians is the theme today from Revelation Chapter 3, looking at a church that is rich, looking at a church that’s Asian, well, Central Asian. The thing to notice is not that they are super rich but that they are super comfortable. This church is complacent. They say in verse 17, “I am rich; I have acquired wealth and I do not need a thing,” and that is insane. I do not need a thing is an insane thing to say to Jesus and yet it is what a comfortable church would say to Jesus Christ. It’s what a complacent church would say to Jesus Christ.

Three points from today’s passage: (1) Crazy, (2) Rich, and (3) Asian - all from Revelation Chapter 3 beginning verse 14.

1. Crazy

To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation.
Revelation 3:14

This is Jesus speaking. Every word is from Jesus and every word is true. The reason he says, “These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness,” is because he is about to kick their backsides up and down Chinatown. He is going to speak some hard words to them and he wants them to know every word is true.

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
Revelation 3:15-16

For some reason, being lukewarm is really, really bad because Jesus says he is going to puuiiii-bleaggghh-qquuaaaccchhh-spuhhttt you out of his mouth. Literally, he is going to, erm, vomit them out of his mouth.

What is going on? Experts tell us Laodicea was an in-between town, between Hierapolis, famous for its hot springs and Colossae, famous for its cool springs, and in between? Lukewarm Laodicea where the hot water cooled to produce this slimy, scaly, yucky water like you get here in Cambridge after boiling water too long in your kettle then letting it cool down till it is lukewarm. You are yucky like your water is what Jesus saying. That is possible but it still does not tell us what lukewarm means.

You say, “I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.” But you do not realise that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.
Revelation 3:17

The lukewarm church is the rich enough church. Notice, it is not the rich church nor even crazy rich church where the pastors drive Rolls-Royces and wear Rolexes but rather, it is the rich enough church that says, “I do not need a thing.” What do you call that? Contentment. We have enough money, enough leaders and enough people. That is contentment, right? No, that is comfort. That is complacency, not Christ speaking.

“You do not realise, that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.” A poor person who doesn’t realise they are poor. Where do you find such a person? Jesus says right here in Cambridge, right here in the Chinese Church. It is the person who says, “No, thank you, Jesus. I’m good.”

Try telling a Cambridge student, “You are poor,” and they will reply, “That’s true.” But then tell them, “You are wretched, pitiful, blind and naked,” and they will reply, “You are crazy!” Tell that to an uncle or auntie here in the Chinese Church and they will reply, “Lei Chee Sin!” But it is the right thing to tell to a lukewarm Christian. It is the loving thing to tell to a lukewarm Christian they are lukewarm.

Who is the lukewarm Christian? It is the believer who has lost their desperate need for Jesus. More to the point, what is the lukewarm church? It is a whole group of believers who have found a way to live life comfortably without Christ, who play it safe, who play it cool but have lost their passion for Christ.

The truth is: It is never our church, it is always that bigger church down the road, so we think. But all of us no matter rich or poor are headed down this road of lukewarmness because we all start out hot, we all start out a little crazy but then we cool down and we slow down and we get comfortable without Christ. When that happens, not only are we blind to our blindness, Jesus says, we are blind to his judgement. I am about to puuuiiiihhhh you out of my mouth.

So, point one: Jesus is crazy. Telling a rich church they’re poor. Telling a lukewarm Christian they are going to hell because that’s what being spit out of Jesus’ mouth means. Judgement. You don’t do that in Cambridge but there you go: Jesus is crazy. But point two, Jesus is rich.

2. Rich

I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so that you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so that you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so that you can see.
Revelation 3:18

The solution is not: Try harder, notice that, but Come to me. Buy from me, Jesus says. Because lukewarmness is the cooling of a relationship. It is a cooling of a heartfelt, desperate need for Jesus.

Jesus says, “Buy from me,” three things are which are expensive, exclusive and extreme - gold, white clothes and medicine. You cannot buy them anywhere else but from Jesus Christ. He does not say, “Buy from me Char Koay Tiau,” or “Char Siu Pao,” he says, “Buy from me gold refined in fire!” Again, experts tell us Laodicea was famous for its gold, its textiles and its eye medicine. These are premium items.

But I think the thing what makes them special is that they are extreme. Super refined gold. Clothes for a naked person. Medicine for a blind person that miraculously causes them to see. These are not casual things you pick up at Sainsburys (“One gold refined by fire and two bananas please”) but the kind of things that turn your life upside down. You were poor but now you have gold. You were naked but now your shame is taken away. You were blind but now you see. In other words, your life is turned upside down.

Friends, what does it mean for us to be rich? Not worrying about money. Living the Lo Sai, Tai Tai life. In a word, it is retirement. No more work and no more worries.

But notice: What does it mean for Jesus Christ to be rich? Concern for the poor. Zealousness for the lukewarm. We want to be rich so we don’t have to worry, so we don’t have to care, so we don’t have to do anything except play golf everyday but the unimaginable wealth of the Son of God makes him zealous, makes him hot with concern, makes him speak truth in love to his people. I will not do nothing.

Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.
Revelation 3:19

Sounds like my mum. I’m scolding you because I love you. Like any good Tiger Mum. But there is a change in tone from I’m going to spit you out to I counsel you; from You are blind to I love you. The worst thing God can do is to leave you alone. To let you remain in your state of lukewarmness.

Jesus says Be zealous. The word means to boil (zeluo comes from the sound of boiling water) Be hot, in other words. How do we do that? By copying his zeal. Jesus is the ultimate Rich man who cannot sit still. For us it means getting up, turning back and saying, “I need you. I love you, Jesus, more than gold, more than comfort, more than this life.” I dare say it involves having that same dissatisfaction as Jesus when you see people taking it easy in church, taking it easy in their relationship with Christ. They will call you extreme (“Why are you making a fuss?”). They will call you crazy (“Who are you to call me lukewarm?”). But that is what zealousness looks like because that is what Jesus looks like in his zealousness. He is the ultimate Rich man who cannot sit still.

Finally, point three, Jesus is the ultimate Asian.

3. Asian

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.
Revelation 3:20

Right after this, we are going to do something very Asian, that is, eat ourselves silly. That is what we do here at the Chinese Church on Mid-Autumn Festival. It is an Asian thing but it is also a biblical thing. Eating together means sharing life together. Quantity time that leads to quality time together. Jesus says, “If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” It is not an offer of food but an offer of relationship. Quality time with Jesus but also quantity time with Jesus. You have to eat every day. Jesus says, “Eat with me.”

It is interesting how Jesus says to the other churches in Revelation, “I am coming soon.” Christians believe Jesus who came and died on the cross, rose from the dead and is now seated at God’s right hand. He is King. But one day, Jesus will return as Judge. And to all the other churches, Jesus says, “I am coming… I am coming... I will come soon” (Revelation 2:5, Revelation 2:16, Revelation 2:25 and Revelation 3:11). Except to this church, Jesus says, “I am already here.”

And the sad thing is they do not realise Jesus is here, standing outside the door, knocking. Some of us are waiting for God to do something, then we will change; for God to do that amazing thing, then we will believe. Jesus says I am here, I am speaking, I am knocking and question is not whether God will do that one thing, that amazing thing before we believe or we change but whether we are listening now, whether we are paying attention now and whether we realise that Jesus is already here now. Essentially, Jesus is saying to us, “What are you waiting for?”

To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.
Revelation 3:21-22

I have been trying to figure out why people are crazy over Crazy Rich Asians and the one word I keep hearing is: Representation. It is the first movie in 25 years with an all-Asian cast in a Hollywood production since Joy Luck Club. Representation means seeing someone like me becoming someone I would like to be. When I see someone like me on the big screen - someone who looks like me, sounds like me, or eats rice everyday like me - standing upfront here in church leading songs, playing the keyboard or preaching a sermon, that can be a very powerful thing. It makes me think: If they can do it, maybe I can, too.

Except, Jesus Christ is not like us and what he offers us is something better than representation. Here is someone completely unlike us become like us so that we can be with him. What he offers us is relationship with him.

Jesus is God, we are not. He is completely holy, completely loving, completely sinless and we are not. But Jesus became a man and became like us - not in our sin but in our weakness, in our dependence, even in our temptations. And in becoming a man he humbled himself to the cross and died and our place, taking our sin, taking our judgment and becoming our substitute for us. But God raised him on the third day back to life and exalted his Son as Christ and Lord and seated him in the heavenly realms as King.

Jesus is completely unlike us, become like us and now he calls us to be with him. “I will come in and eat with him and he with me,” (verse 20). “I will give the right to sit with me on my throne,” (verse 21).

And right after this, when we eat with one another and have fellowship with one another, while that might be a good thing and an enjoyable thing and maybe that is why you came to the Chinese Church today, the question to ask is: Are we eating with Jesus? Do we have a relationship with Jesus? Maybe that is why God brought you to the Chinese Church today because Jesus says, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”

Crazy Rich Asians. Jesus is crazy - telling them they are lukewarm and telling them to repent but he is speaking the truth and he is speaking in love. Jesus is rich - not the kind of rich who want to keep it all to themselves; Jesus is the rich man become poor, the One who became sin for us so that in him we might be rich, we might be righteous, we might be saved. But finally Jesus is the ultimate Asian, who doesn’t just want quality time with us but quantity. He wants to come in, to eat with us, to be with us and us with him.

Let’s pray.

Unbreakable (Mark 14:66-72)

Pineapple on pizza. There are just some things you do not do in life. Some rules you do not break like putting pineapple on pizza. (I happen to like pineapple on pizza but rules are rules.) Or like the time my canteen at work was serving spaghetti for lunch except it was spaghetti with chicken. One of my very Italian, very food-passionate colleagues looked at that and said, “There are some things you do not do in life.” “You do not kill people. You do not rob people.” “And,” he said, “you do not put spaghetti with chicken.”

What is the one thing you do not do as a Christian, the one rule you do not break as a Christian? If you are Peter, that one thing is to deny Christ. It’s to disown Christ. “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” Mark Chapter 14, verse 31. Like that Bryan Adams song, “Walk the wire for you, yeah, I’d die for yooooou!” Peter’s one thing was to stand by his Christ at the cost of his life. Peter would never deny Jesus Christ.

Except he does it three times. Three times in one night. And here’s the thing. He doesn’t realise he’s done it until he’s done it. Until the cock crows and he remembers what Jesus said, “You will disown me three times.”

What do we learn from this story? Aside from empathising with Peter or feeling guilty about all the times we’ve let our friends down; the moments we’ve let God down, you know, to make us feel bad. Is that the point of this story? Not quite. It’s to see Jesus. He is the one under trial. He is the one under pressure to deny himself. But we miss it because we think, “He is God.” But Peter reminds us we each have our breaking points. You and I, with the right pressure, with the right temptation will do the one thing we never thought we would ever do. But not Jesus. He is faithful. He is constant to the very end.

Three points from today’s passage. The girl. The girl. And the guys. Three pressure points we see in here  Mark Chapter 14: The girl, the girl (again) and the guys.

1. The girl

So, first, we see the girl. This is verse 66.

While Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came by. When she saw Peter warming himself, she looked closely at him.

“You also were with that Nazarene, Jesus,” she said.

But he denied it. “I don’t know or understand what you’re talking about,” he said, and went out into the entrance.

Mark 14:66-68

The point of the, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” is that it’s a formal legal statement. You say something like this before a judge when you’re giving a statement. “I don’t know or understand what you’re talking about.” And it emphasizes how Peter is under trial, under questioning just like Jesus. He is being tested.

But it’s by a girl. A servant girl. I don’t mean to be offensive. It could be that this servant girl, as she is described in verse 66, is quite muscular and intimidating and scary and has lots of scary tattoos. It doesn’t say. But you get what I mean: It’s not like Jesus with the priests, elders and guards. “Blasphemy!” goes the high priest and they all condemn him to death and the guards beat him up. No, Peter is worried about a girl who says, “You also were with that Nazarene, Jesus,” but to Peter, this girl was his judge. This servant girl of the high priest was to Peter the high priest. Hence, “I don’t know or understand what you’re talking about.” It’s a formal legal denial as if he’s been questioned by the high priest himself - a denial that he knows Jesus or has anything to do with Jesus Christ. And notice, right after he says this, he leaves. He walks out into the entrance. Why? To get as far away as he can from this scary servant girl!

2. The girl

But, verse 69, we meet this girl again. He doesn’t get away!

When the servant girl saw him there, she said again to those standing around, “This fellow is one of them.” Again he denied it.

Mark 14:69-70

This time there are witnesses - she talks to the people standing around. This time she exposes him as he is trying to run, to hide, to get away from this servant girl but she follows him to the entrance and she says, “This fellow is one of them.” She didn’t have to say “Jesus” or “disciple”. One of them means not one of us. One of them means it’s obvious. You take one look at this guy and you know this guy is different from us. One of them means this guy is trying to act as if he is one of us but come on! He’s not. He’s hiding. He’s running away (from this servant girl).

“Again he denied it.” We talked about Peter’s fear but here it’s really about his shame. Back in verse 54, we read, “Peter followed him (meaning, Jesus) at a distance, right into the courtyard of the high priest. There he sat with the guards and warmed himself at the fire.” It’s Peter, then Jesus, then Peter again, like a sandwich (I really want to find an alternative term for this, “hambaobao”, maybe, where we see Mark splitting up the story about Peter with the main plot about Jesus in the middle of the “hambaobao” with the two slices of the Peter “mantou” story at the beginning and at the end). And we see back in verse 54, Peter trying to blend in. He’s still following Jesus but each time Peter is moving further and further behind, keeping his distance from Jesus. I mean, he’s hanging out with the guards, warming himself by the fire with the guards, of all people.

But the servant girl exposes Peter in front of all these witnesses, “This guy isn’t one of you. He is one of them.” No, I’m just like you, nothing to do with those guys. Nothing to do with Jesus.

That’s sad. When even the world condemns you for being a hypocrite. When even the world condemns you for being worldly. That’s sad because Peter still has no idea what’s going on. To him, he is following Jesus. To him, he is keeping his head low. God understands. No, God is using this servant girl to expose, to bring out what’s going on inside his heart. He is afraid and he is ashamed. Of being with Jesus. Of being one of them. That’s sad.

3. The guys

After a little while, those standing near said to Peter, “Surely you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.”

He began to call down curses on himself, and he swore to them, “I don’t know this man you’re talking about.”

Immediately the cock crowed the second time. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him, “Before the cock crows twice you will disown me three times.” And he broke down and wept.

Mark 14:70-72

Maybe it was his accent. Maybe he was wearing a t-shirt with “Galilee rules,” printed on the front and “Jerusalem sucks,” printed on the back. But soon, the guys standing around Peter go, “Surely you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.” But whatever it was, this was final straw for Peter. It was do or die, and remembering that this was ancient Israel on the night of the Passover, the holiest night of the year, Peter decides to call down curses on himself. That means to use God’s name in vain, to break a commandment and that’s a big deal for a pious Jew, to say stuff like, “May God do this and that to me if I am not telling the truth,” that kind of thing. “I don’t know this man you’re talking about.” To use God’s name essentially to lie.

Just at that moment. “Immediately,” verse 72 says, “the cock crowed the second time.” Like a wake-up call. “Cock-a-doodle-dooooo!!!!!!” Peter realises what he’s done, the one thing he swore he would never, ever do: Deny Christ. And he’s done this three times.

And that’s the thing isn’t it? Jesus knew him better than he knew himself. Peter was Bryan Adams. He was going to die for Jesus, walk the wire for Jesus. No, it was Jesus who was going to have to die for Peter because Peter’s denial was deserving of death. To deny Christ. To be ashamed of Christ. To call down curses on yourself rather than acknowledge Christ. Even though the guards beat Jesus, the high priest condemned Jesus to death, Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss no less and Peter did none of that. And yet, like the high priest, like the guards and in a way, even like Judas, Peter was denying that Jesus really was who he said he was. God’s own Son. God’s own King. God’s chosen Saviour. In front of these guys, these strangers, Peter cursed himself. Meaning, to put it bluntly, he would rather be damned than confess Jesus as the Christ. A slip of the tongue? The pressure of the moment? No, Jesus knew Peter better than he knew himself and Peter remembered the word Jesus had given to him, “Before the cock crows twice you will disown me three times.” And he broke down and wept.

But that’s encouraging because, you see, the last word from Peter is not his denial. It’s his repentance. He broke down or you could say he reached his breaking point. To reach breaking point is not necessarily to be pressured until you break, until you commit some gross sin. It’s to be humbled to the point that you realise you are a sinner and you need a Saviour. To reach breaking point is to know the Christ knows you better than you know yourself, that he has to die in your place, he has to take your punishment of your behalf on the cross. He has to do this. That everything he went through, he did that because you can’t.

And that’s a good thing. In the end, it wasn’t the fact the Peter sinned that woke him up from his self-delusion (“I’ll die before I deny you”), it was the fulfilment of Jesus’ word (“You will all fall away”, verse 27. “I will strike the shepherd and the sheep will be scattered”). It was the fulfilment of Jesus’ mission to be betrayed, to be handed over, to die and to rise again.

I’ve been reading “The Hiding Place” about Corrie ten Boom sent to prison for hiding her Jewish friends during World War II. Every day was breaking point for her - to keep trusting in God, to forgive the men who killed her father, to hide copies of the bible to give away in prison. Who does that? I read that and go, “No way I would last. No way I wouldn’t break.” But you see, the point is not to wait until a war breaks out and you’re thrown in prison or to wait for someone to hold a gun to your head and say, “Do you believe in Christ?” Rather, like Peter, it’s realising that God’s word already tells me today, right now, that I need Christ to be faithful to Christ; I will not last a single moment without Christ - that my heart is blind to my constant denial of Christ, of my own self-delusion because of my self-righteousness unless I confess my sinfulness and my brokenness before Christ.

And really the question left for us is simply this: Have you reached breaking point before Christ? Or are you still in your own eyes unbreakable? As I hear testimonies from new converts, it is common to hear testimonies of how good God is, how awesome his love, how amazing his grace and these are good things to hear. But friends, and I say this to you specially if you are from an Asian background, it is good to confess our brokenness and need for forgiveness from God that comes from the cross of Christ - as unChinese as that might be to do such a thing in front of our friends. That breaking point is true conversion. That breaking point is true repentance. To confess that I am a great sinner but Christ is a great and faithful Saviour.

And so Jesus suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore.

Hebrews 13:12-13